Taffy the Laffy Samoyed Stories
page 6
16. Taff 'n Mr Squeak.
Last night we had a tad of a problem with the Taffer, or I should say toad, but first let me explain. Taff has a favorite squeak toy that was a gift from some very special friends. This is a rubber, what appears to be hedgehog, and is the size to fill his mouth (see photo below) it squeaks. This is the very first toy he had and he loves it dearly. He is very, very careful with it and will gently place his paw on it to make it squeak, almost using a toe to not use too much force. Now we all like to joke about how, we suspect, he thinks mr. squeak is alive and he is trying not to kill him. He will carry him, ever so gently, in his mouth and let him drop on the floor at your feet to show off this special friend. In fact over a period of 10 months mr squeak became so worn out, the squeaker would only croak. We called our friends who had originally purchased this treasure, and lo and behold they were able to find an exact duplicate- replacement and then drove 15 miles to deliver it to Taff, he is so spoiled.
So now we have new mr. squeak and old mr. squeak. Mr. squeak sometimes get taken outside, but he better be in here at night as Taff will howl his head off, if either mr. squeak or his G.I.Joe sleeping bag is left outside when it is time to come in. HOWLS, he howls like the Hounds of the Baskervilles! He will also YIP his head off if mr. squeak accidentally falls off the fenced front porch ,10 feet below to the yard. Taff will also get upset if someone has the audacity to step hard on mr. squeak and make him let out a loud, sharp squeal, he will grab him and race off to hide him in his blanket, that's it bubba, you are OFF the "mr. squeak share list" FOREVER with him. So now you see that mr. squeak, 1 and 2 are real special to Taff.
Well at midnight last night the Taff had to go out, so normally I just clip him to his 20 foot tie out cable just off the back porch. I let him roam around to check out his two special hide out holes and mark everything before he comes in for the night (and of course double check for mr. squeak). I went back in the house and five minutes later I wondered why Taff was not wanting back in. I open the door, and by the light of the porch, I see he is sniffing the ground frantically and then pawing something. "Come" I told him, but he ignores me and starts dodging left and right, nose glued to the ground. Now at this point my first thought was SNAKE!!!!! I grab the big flashlight and run down the steps to where he is and shine the light on the ground, I could not see a thing? I get closer and right then the Taff scoops something up in his mouth and starts closing and opening his mouth......"OH NO" I scream, and then I hear a "CROAK", Taff violently gags, and out of his mouth jumps the biggest toad I ever saw , it hit the ground stunned. Taff jumps after it,uses one toe to paw it, and sure enough it goes CROAK again! As fast as lightening Taff scoops it in his mouth again, I grab his collar and start yelling....NO...spit it out....leave it (command from his failed obedience class, key word failed)....then I KNEW I was in trouble. The ONLY command Taff knows and responds too, when he has something in his mouth is "GIVE ME THAT", which is where I reach in his mouth, clear to the back of his throat and pull out contraband ...generally toilet paper. Did you catch the ME reaching in his mouth part??? NO WAY am I sticking my hand in his mouth for a, possibly by now oozing, toad! NO WAY. Once again the Taff gags and out comes the toad, I believe the toad was flexing his back legs when Taff squeezed him, making Taff violently gag. At this point the grabbing the stunned toad, gagging it out, and grabbing it again, is starting to concern me. I am just trying to time my yanking on his collar to the split second the toad is on the ground, no mean feat with lightening mouth. Now meanwhile my mouth is going 90 mph with threats but Taff is ignoring me. I can't even see the toad as I dropped the flashlight to use two hands on his collar. I am relying solely on that gag sound to time our escape. GAG, out comes the toad. I hurl myself towards the porch, dragging the Taff with me, who gets one last paw on the toad and flips him like a burger about 5 feet in the air and into the darkness of the yard!!! Flingo!
I drag Taff in the house, repeating dire threats to his future health, and then notice he is still gagging! Now I freak about the toad being poisonous. I start yelling for Charlie who rushes in the kitchen and laughs his head off as Taff is spitting, rolling on his back and rubbing his tongue on the kitchen throw rug, then spitting some more and shaking his head. I am screaming about poisonous toads and Charlie informs me they only live in Australia not Pennsylvania. Well excuse me, they don't cover that on the Home and Garden channel I watch! I grab a wet washrag and start wiping out the Taff's mouth and that seemed to help. I drug him over to his water bowl and DEMANDED he drink, he ignored me. In desperation I yanked the ice cream out of the freezer and gave him 3 big scoops in his bowl, THEN he was interested. I spent the next 1/2 hour watching him like a hawk but he seemed to be OK, except he kept spitting and trying to lick his own eyeballs out. (I found out later the toad probably peed in his mouth). I figured a sprained tongue was cheaper than being treated for being poisoned, if I had to call the vet. I swear this dog is going to make me croak! I am seriously thinking of finding a new home for Mr. squeak 1 and 2.
TODAY I am going to lay big sign in the yard, right on the grass on the toad trail, "Today's Blue Plate Special Toad Legs, hop on in"! hahaha lol mfb
17. Taff and the Babe.
TODAY was almost a nightmare come true. I had just been discussing Taff and his recent new habit of humping. As Taff has never even seen another female dog who was not fixed ,I figured we were in for trouble if he did. Lo and behold on our morning walk that is exactly what happened.
There is a new female miniature boxer down the road who is still intact. She has the most beautiful brindle markings on her face. This morning her owner, a young neighbor woman and her son of about 6 or so, were out walking this little cutie. I spied them from about 500 feet off and started reeling in Taff's 20 foot rabbit hunting cable hoping to turn around and scram. Too late the Taff spied her and stood up on his back legs and you guessed it, took off like the space shuttle. I grabbed his harness and made him sit as they slowly walked towards us. Taff started frothing at the mouth and whining. In desperation I wound his cable around a telephone pole and braced my foot on it just as they came with in hailing distance. Now if this is not the stupidest looking pair anyone ever saw, I got a big white dog who is attached to a red plastic wrapped cable ,that is wrapped around a telephone pole three times, I have a foot braced against the pole and on the other end of the cable is the big white boy leaping 4 feet in the air, howling like the Hound of the Baskervilles and covered in slobber like a terminal hydrophobic wolf. He looked like a big white marshmallow wrapped in red licorice that someone hit with a blow torch! YOU just try and act cool like that! I am praying the manufacturer of the cable did not exaggerate the tensile strength of the steel he is latched on too, cause it is biting into the pole! I don't know what a pole costs but that is the least of my problems at the moment!
Now I KNEW this little cutie was not fixed ,and I am in a state of panic if she is in "a mood to dance" if you get my drift. At 50 foot away and my arms coming out of their sockets, I casually mention ( a the top of my lungs over his howling) Taff has not had the "big snip" yet, he still has ALL his "HAIR"! Now what am I supposed to yell with a 6 year old child listening in? "OH what cute pups they would make" she says as she wanders closer and closer with a big smile and little wiggle butt, my whole life flashed before my eyes!!!!!
(DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TOP BREEDING MATERIAL TO YOU , my mind is screaming, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING LADY, so what do we do with the pups ,tie them to the guardrail till they are 10 or so, or donate them to the WWF cause who else could walk them? Dad is not going to spring for pup support either, Taff don't even have a job. My mind is reeling at the picture of half white Samoyed and half Miniature Brindle Boxer pups, but I don't say a word, I only smile and hold on for dear life to the big, white, yappy ,foam faced and chest, jumping bean, even while starting to loose my hearing.)
The next thing I know, she asks if Taff is "friendly" with dogs. I yelled over his barking, this performance is Taff's interpretation of a "calm hello" and actually as good as it gets....OH LORD lady if you only KNEW! So she swings the little babe on her flexible leash over to say hello to Taff.....!
Instantly I pounce on him and shove him down on all fours and lean my entire 120 lbs across him from above, hoping to keep his paws AND OTHER PARTS on the pavement. He is quivering all over like it is 100 below and his whole head is covered in slobber. He inches up to her, dragging me like a back pack, with his tail and ears up ( as always) LOOMING over her and she spooked, he licks her mouth and she gave him the "sideways eye" uh oh, he then tried to smell her butt and she went for his nose, well I informed the young woman that Taff has never dated and don't know how too talk to girls and gets his nose nipped all the time, no problem. I told her thank you and drug him off as I was holding my breath the whole time and my lungs were ready to explode, hahaha. Poor little boxer probably thought he was deformed anyway with me draped over his back.
I deliberately walked him down the road in the opposite direction as fast as I could and he kept stopping and looking over his shoulder and yipping. One half mile away we turn around and Taff was off on her scent like a bloodhound, nose to the ground, oh lord. He was literally dragging his tongue through the grass, you never saw so much marking in your life, he will have to drink 18 gallons of water to refill his kidneys. It is a miracle he did not pass out from being dehydrated.
Now I have seen Taff hot on a rabbit trail, but this has rabbit's beat by a country mile! He was so distracted I had to pick him up off his feet, as he refused to leave her trail in the middle of the road, while a pick up was headed straight for us. Now most of the neighbors know I walk Taff on that road, and they know we stop and I make Taff sit when cars go by, and he never gives them a second glance, today he is glued to the centerline with his claws making little ditches as I drag him off, the guy in the pick up stops and says: Hey what is wrong with Taff is he tracking a female. ( you know there are NO secrets in this town NONE AT ALL).
It took us 45 minutes to walk the 1/2 mile back here from tracking the "little wiggle butt", boy did her butt swing when she wagged her tail, it even made me dizzy hahaha. Right by the corner of our house we found a fresh pile of doggie doo-doo, guess who's? Taff thought he got a check from Ed Mc Mann, what a prize! He is digging in the earth he is peeing everywhere, he wants to take it in the house like a new squeak toy, he wants to bury it, he wants to roll in it, this is better than a road kill, this is a valentine from his first girl.
This time I had to pick him up and carry him up the steps, I locked him in the house, tied on his leash to the kitchen table, because I don't trust the windows or the doors when they head back past. Tomorrow I am installing remote video spy cameras all along the road, before we walk again. I need to know the way is clear. Maybe I'll use the neighborhood gossip phone chain, it doesn't have ANY blind spots. haahaha. lol mfb.
18. Taff and the Motorcar.
Well we have been enduring days of rain from Hurricane Katrina, and since Taff hates rain we have been missing our rabbit hunting jaunts. Yesterday morning we took Taff for a motorcar ride when we inspected the track here for downed trees, mudslides, or clogged culverts, all of which can lead to track damage. We do this with a Motorcar, this is a vehicle that rides on railroad rails and has mostly been replaced today with "hy-rail" trucks that you can drive on the highway or on the rails. We have an old fashioned motorcar that only rides on the rails and has to be switched out like a rail car. Now this car is unique because we took a motorcar frame and extended it, then added a Ford truck motor and trany, and built the body around all that, it is not done yet but will hold 10 people when finished.(see pg.5 picture pages)
Taff likes to go for rides, in anything that moves, I took him over to the shop, he hopped up on the car and down the branch-line we went in the pouring down rain. Since it has no sides installed yet and only a tarp roof, for now, it was a damp ride and we got a little wet, but the joy of zipping through the woods along the river was worth it. Taff was fascinated watching the ground zoom by, a view he never gets in my car as it has sides, thank goodness.
Now occasionally we have to stop and check culverts and slides to take pictures,( we learned this after Hurricane Francis and Ivan last year, take pictures before you get flood damage). Taff thought this was an opportunity to leap off with Charlie, but I held on tight to his harness because it was pouring rain. Our branch-line is 4 miles through the woods right along the river with great sweeping views of the water and a lot of various wildlife. In one spot is a red tail hawk nest, she will swoop right down in front of us and hop scotch from tree to tree until we are past what she considers her nest territory. Like we are going to climb up a 60 foot tree and install a dog house or something. Then there are the deer who wait till we are practically on top of them, then make a dash across the rails in front of us, I call them the sausage twins, deer sausage is big here, no matter how mangled the meat you can always make sausage. haha. There are numerous song birds, red fox, geese, groundhogs, squirrels, chipmunks, a large black bear, a screech owl in one tree, vultures, and turtles and frogs in the ditches. You name it and we pretty much got it, it is sort of the animal channel live.
Taff's head is about swiveling off his body, and he is dashing from one side of the car to the other watching the ground rush by. He then settled on sticking his head between the front seats and begging Charlie to let him drive or something, this is the ultimate dog with wind in the face, except instead of having his head out the window (which we do not allow) his whole body is outside except for a roof over his head. Boy what an adventure this is, we roll along about 10 mph, sometimes 5, sometimes 20.You never saw such a happy dog. Now I am thinking this is sure better than having your arm pulled off for getting the dog outside, but of course he is not getting any exercise except panting and yipping. haha.
We finally arrive up at the end of our inspection route, almost to the mill and stop dead, I am thinking boy this was a very pleasant ride, even if we are a little wet, and Taff was so good maybe we should do this again?
NO SOONER are those words out of my mouth, than the biggest rabbit I ever saw, leaps out of the brush beside us, bounds across the rail directly in front of us, and down over the hill to the river. Taff went ballistic, he was inches from the edge of the car at the very end of his leash and he took a flying leap across Charlie and the dash, wrapping his leash across Charlie's throat, I am behind Charlie in the back seat and jump up yelling. Taff is digging his paws into the wood floor ready to spring over the side, Charlie is grabbing the leash and trying to pull it away from his throat, Taff is barking his head off and slipping all over the floor frantic, I am trying to get around Charlie or over the seat or anywhere where I can get a better hold on the dog, as that white bobbing tail is disappearing over the hillside taking 8 foot leaps in the air, with every leap of that bunny tail, the Taff leaped higher himself. Have you ever tried to hold a 50 lb dog on a wet wood floor by a 6 foot leash wrapped around a guys throat. Not exactly something they cover in obedience training. NO WAY was I releasing that leash, I know Charlie's whole life had to be flashing before his eyes, him or the dog is gonna go here , (just shortly after he had commented about my shopping spree for the dog so which would you put money on), no wonder he was frantic hahaha. Finally I manage to climb over the front seat and pounce on the dog, then I drag him over the seat to me in the back, I had let go of the leash once I had his halter and Charlie's lips were returning from that deep blue-green shade dying people have.
It was a pretty quiet ride back up here and I don't think we will be asked to go again until Charlie gets the seat belts in. Taff of course whimpered for a mile and gave us that pathetic, heart wrenching, "go back I want to get that rabbit" hang dog look. Didn't faze Charlie one bit hahaha. Poor Taff hahaha lol mfb