Taffy the Laffy Samoyed Stories

First off my car radio died one day about 4 years ago when I went over a bump in the road. Seeing as how Charlie can fix anything I mentioned it to him. Well the other day he decided to take a look .

It turned out it was just a loose wire and took him about 10 minutes to fix, (don't ask hahaha). but the important thing here is that in the entire year and a half we have had Taff he has never heard the radio in my car. Of course we gave it no thought until this morning when Charlie decided to take Taff on a road trip to town for a jaunt to the hardware store.

Charlie starts the car and drives off listening to a talk show, Taff was confused and restless the whole trip into town, upon their return Taff jumped out of the car and searched every nook and cranny UNDER the car and around every body panel, leaving Charlie laughing his head off.

Now not to be outdone by that stunt, I took Taff into town this afternoon and promptly turned on my favorite country music station. The minute Taff heard the music he sat down facing out the back hatch just frozen in place, I figured he was waiting for the back window to warm up and the picture to appear like on TV!

Down the road we go with Taff sitting staring at the road rolling past ,but getting more and more frustrated!

Just for fun I turned the balance switch back and forth which made the sound jump from the back speakers to the front, by this time a commercial was on. Taff finally got disgusted with the picture not appearing on the back car window and started pawing at the speaker grill, apparently he could not see the people that must be in there so he opted instead to jump in the front seat and check that speaker out....where are these little guys?

Now you have to understand Taff has never heard a radio, not that we don't own one ,we just never play it, when Taff hears people either we have live company or the TV is on. However there was no picture just voices. So in his mind SOMEONE was hiding in the car SOMEWHERE, and it was his job to find them, little as they obviously were- they might have treats!

The farther up the road we went the more confused Taff became as the voices bounced back and forth from the front seat speakers to the backseat speakers.

By the time I go to the stop light at the intersection with the main road, Taff was digging up his blanket in the back that covers the floor, I suspect he suspected they were in the spare tire compartment under the floor under his blanket?

Now you can't fool with Taff for long cause he will get to the bottom of any mystery, he hates enigmas! He then became convinced I was throwing my voice and every time a commercial came on he stuck his head on my shoulder and watched my lips, I was laughing so hard I though I would run off the road, tears were streaming down my face!

On came my favorite song and I mouthed the words soundlessly while Taff howled his head off, by this time because it was raining and the defrosters could not keep up with Taff's heavy breathing, all the windows in my car were covered in fog except the windshield.

What a picture we made pulling into the local market, he is me with my mouth wide open and head back silently belting out "on the road again" ,while the radio blared away shaking the windows ,with Taff pawing frantically at my shoulders and howling his head off like White Fang!

I am telling you it is moments like this that make me wonder what I ever did for entertainment before I had Taff?

The down side is "the looks" from other shoppers as I get out of the foggy car, eyes swollen almost shut, make-up streaked over over my cheeks, laughing like a maniac, and leave "The Still Howling" and now " Resumed Digging" behind.

Yes they waited till I was in the store to rush over and try to look, I saw them all from the produce counter!

I can only imagine their version of what they think they must have seen, I am sure I will eventually get a report back from Officer Donut OR it might make the local paper:

Foggy, Fearful ,Ferocious, Festiva ,Frightens, Frantic Freemarket Frequenters-Film at 11...! hahahahaha

Sunday we decided to take Taff on a car ride as it was rainy and we needed a break.

We headed Southeast about 30 miles to a new rail line being built cross country.

Talk about back country, the road was about 3 foot wide and dirt for about 15 miles.

I told Charlie to pull over in the "wide" ,about 4 & 1/2 foot spot, so Taff could mark the weeds.

Now what do you suppose the odds are of pulling over in the wilderness, right next to the biggest Beagle Club for 50 miles, signs..... they need bigger signs!

Taff shot out of the hatchback like a rocket, behind every blade of grass rabbits popped up out of nowhere and headed for the horizon, about 75 of them. OHHH nooooooo!

I suspect they stock rabbits to teach the Beagles to hunt, I suspect many have escaped and now have a renegade community right outside the compound, where they probably smuggle others of their kind under the substantial fence for a hefty batch of carrots.

Taff was on his hind legs spinning like a high torque power drill and barking his head off, I was afraid he was going to get whiplash, to them he probably looked like a white King Kong on steroids!

I could hear a loud bugs bunny voice :"That ain't no Beagle, run for your lives"!

I finally got him reeled in and shoved him back in the car, no mean fete cause he was squirming like a sack of live snakes that was hit with a cattle prod!

Off we roared up the dirt road while Taff tried to body slam his way out the back window, thank goodness for the seat belt harness holding him in, all I could see in the rear view mirror was white cottontails flashing in the dusty distance!

Our next stop was next to the maintenance of way work engine, which Taff promptly decided was our ride home, the boy thinks we own every piece of rolling stock on every railroad he sees.

I start yelling "Get down you fool before we get arrested, stop pawing the door you're leaving evidence, half the county recognizes your muddy paw prints on sight". "Don't you dare mark the engineer's door....OHHHHH noooooooo- stop STOP"...(pray for rain, they got enough DNA on that engine to put Taff away for 10 years)!

Finally we headed home, and I suggested we stop at the DQ for milkshakes, I sent Charlie in for our order and a plain empty cone for Taff,( following my new "sane treat consumption" plan)

Suddenly I hear Taff whining and turn to see two guys carrying the biggest ice cream cake I ever saw heading straight for our car and Taff's head is half way out the open window. OHHHH noooooooooo!!!!

I start trying to undo my seat belt to grab Taff, yelling no-sit-down-back-stay at the top of my lungs while the fearless cake duo keeps on coming on! Taff's head and shoulders are out the window, his eyes are glazed over and his tongue is swiping the lower car door panels in anticipation of the 36 inch 36 lb custom cake they are carrying like the crown jewels in a clear top box.......OMG!

My whole life flashed before my eyes, as they got almost to snatching range ,I finally managed to grab his harness in a death grip, brace on foot on the windshield and scream out the window "If you got no plans for that cake he does if ya come any closer fellows" !!!! hahaha.

They stopped and called endearments to Taff, "poor pretty fellow bet he needs a treat".....oh please this dog gets more treats than a beat cop guarding a donut factory!

Charlie arrives back at the car with Taff's empty cone and yes he spit it on the floor, barked his head off, and tried to escape by digging a hole in the bottom of the car, while the entire parking lot of strangers looks at us like cruel heartless child beaters.

NO I did not go get him an ice cream cake, I filled his cone with milkshake and held it while he ate it, to shut him up. Tomorrow we'll start the sane treat plan hahaha.

Upon returning home, Taff promptly chewed to smithereens two ink pens he had stolen and hid in his blanket for just such an afternoon as this of guardian abuse!

I will probably have nightmares about bunnies, cakes, an dogs arrested for defacing train engines for weeks!

It will be a while before we take any car trips with Taff ,our nerves are shot hahaha.

Well for the life of me I have no idea how he pulled off this stunt and came out unscathed, but Taff dug up and then ate all the spines on my cactus.

Now this is not a puny thing, this has dagger spikes about 5 inches long crisscrossed all over, it is one of those flat ones that look like a mitten with no thumb, probably cause the thumb bleed to death and fell off!

My son gave it to me and I had it outside, clear around the corner on the cement in a plastic pot, which Taff used as a Frisbee besides, it is a miracle that was still salvageable.

Now here is the thing, I had to pot this with railroad gloves because of them big nasty white thorns that look like toothpicks for Freddy Kruger, we are talking NASTY here and BIG. Tougher than nails too.

Bean Head Boy, had to have dragged the pot to get it out of the little hole I had it in, and it is possible he carried it in his mouth by the edge and maybe he spilled it ,but that does not explain how the dozens of spiky spines completely disappeared. I hunted all over, and his mouth was covered in little flakes of cactus mulch.....AH HA!!!! evidence.

I am telling you I think he literally chewed them off the cactus, one by one, they look like plucked chickens, NAKED.

I don't even like cactus, first they don't do anything but poke you and just sit there, second they take like 5 thousand years to grow, third you got to be careful they don't get to much water BUT they need a lot of sun, not a good rainy -shadowed by the hills- plant.

But my son gave it to me, so I was kinda lettin it live back in the hole with 7 other potted plants.

Now what on earth would possess a dog to go past a whole bunch of other plants, single out the EVIL one, drag it out and then proceed to stick maybe 75 barbed how do I know how many spikes in his mouth, like steel ice picks?

What is the boy thinking, where is his mind, what possible reason in the world would possess him to suddenly take the only single dangerous plant on this whole acre of ground and play whooo hooo "let's floss" ?

He could have put his eye out, he could have put BOTH eyes out at the same time, he could have got one jammed up his nose, he could have got one embedded in his big clumsy paw, he could have got one stuck in the roof of his mouth and it could have festered and/or choked him to death!!!!!!

Just tell me how many people with Miniature Poodles, crawl around on the wet rainy ground on their hands and knees looking for cactus spikes with a pair of tweezers and an envelope??? HOW MANY? .....Name ONE ?

Sammies are way more fun!

Then I had to repot with pliers what was left and then count the pucker holes where the spikes used to be so I knew how many was missing? What if he ate them????

Who eats fishhooks for lunch? Like Taff ever had to play "survivor man" for a meal here, oh spare me!

I can just see us at the vets now, and just exactly how did Taff get 27 cactus spikes 5 inches long, who exactly was in charge of watching him, at what point did it dawn on you he might have ate them?

When his poop looked like porcupine spore?

That pot has been sitting in that spot for exactly 5 months next Thursday, I never take it in the house.

ALLLLLLL of a sudden, after 150 days of quietly minding it's own business, it is whoooo hoooo this looks dangerous, let's drag this out and play with it.

Heaven forbid he bury it.....that would be too easy in his 6 land mine holes, no let's leave it in the driveway and bark for mom....Bark- Bark- Bark, OH do you notice something amiss? Look the cactus tried to escape! It's OK it's teeth are gone, you can play with it now!!!!

Pray tell ,I wonder who did that, cactus-mulch -smirk-mouth.....!

Well tomorrow Mr. Smarty Pants I am going to stick toothpicks back in the holes with super glue and shove it right back in the same hole, so when my son comes he won't know you ripped up his present. I will just tell him I nipped back the spines so they would "bush out"!

Besides what kind of a kid gets his mother a cholla-pricklypear-deadly-fishook cactus anyhow, does that sound like a lovie plant ,what's wrong with tulips?

Well the point is the The Cactus Kid is NOT gonna run the plants off this range!

I will be on poop patrol for days, I want them spines, they're mine! lol mfb see pic here